literature

Lightening the Mood

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commonstrosity's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

I shot you with a bullet but I didn't
forget how much I loved you. So I took
it and rimmed it in perfect red roses – thorns
pointing in, so that they would not hurt you,
and so that you could watch them fly at
you in awe and amazement, not fear.

I tripped you with the steel-toed shoes I
learned to wear after all of the times you
stepped on me. Before you fell I remembered
to paint you a picture on the sidewalk in
little kid chalk so that maybe you'd smile like
I would be.

You shot me in the foot with a cyanide bullet
made only to make me last longer, and when I
started to jump, you shot me in the other. When
you tripped me you made sure that you had a glass
bottle in your hand to throw down just before I
smashed into the ground, so that not only would
I be cut too, but as I fell, I could watch the glass rise
up to meet me.

I'm so much like you, in the way your head turns
and the things you smile at, and the way you laugh,
but I'll never be the same as you. Because even after
you hurt me, I made sure to lighten the mood for you.

But just a little.
Written 1/2/11 AM.
© 2011 - 2024 commonstrosity
Comments13
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MUbyGaelle's avatar
Very vivid imagery as usual. I like the story here, even if it is very dark.

There is that very image that has become more and more recurrent in your work, the self sacrifice for the others, which I understand follows your empathy, but there is aslo a certain uneasy joy out of this, a certain pleasure out of all this pain.

It is not openly said, but the "M" side of yourself is coming out more and more in these texts.

You are still in the same phase and working on your Cathratic writing to fiddle through all your feelings as you are in love, breakin up, renewing and all that goes with it.

See-saw emotions and states seems to be the Major part of your work. Lucky there is always a bit of light at the end of that tunnel.

Or else, There is also a new feeling that arises in me as I read more and more of your work: Anger.

Funny no?

Two things make anger arise in me when I read your work in this particular piece:

One: Self-pity towards yourself. Your self sacrifice borderd on self pity in this one and it raises my blood pressure. The way you describe how the other one hurts you, even if you do get back at him/her seems almost exagerated, like you are asking people to pity you and sympathize.

There is a: "look how miserable I am and how mean poeple are to me when I am almost nothing but nice" that grates me.

Two: The feeling of willing to sympathize, and wanting to shake you like a coconut tree and scream: "REACT!"
at the same time.

So, being honest I love and hate this piece as you love and hate your relationships with people and yourself.

In that aspect, this poem is amazing. My response is very strong to it.

Sorry for my very honest feelings here. I have decided from the start never to lie to you in what I felt while reading your work.

Hope this helps.

Cheers!

Thama